Cyprus

The European Union is imploding, falling under the weight of debt. Portugal, Italy, Greece, Ireland, Spain: all need to be bailed out, because they've borrowed too much money and can't afford to make interest payments. Now Cyprus needs to be bailed out, to the tune of 17 billion Euros, equivalent to the entire yearly Cypriot economy. They are frantically trying to prevent a run on their banks, and just passed three laws that basically hand over banking to Greece (!). This is all in the hopes of getting a bailout on better terms than were offered by the European Central Bank, which would have stolen money from anyone with savings in the banks. A lot of those with savings in Cypriot banks aren't Cypriots; there's lots of Russian Mafia money squirreled away there.

You do not steal from the Russian Mafia. Henry Hill can explain what happens next: